Ep 35 | The One Thing No One Wants to Admit About Love and Money
We don’t talk enough about how your partner’s income impacts your future. Not because you’re shallow, but because you’re ambitious.
In this episode, Priya Malani unpacks the emotional and financial weight that income differences can bring into a relationship, especially for high-achieving 30-somethings. From carrying the financial momentum to feeling unsupported or unable to take risks, she makes the case that talking about money with your partner isn’t transactional. It’s essential.
Whether you’re dating, engaged, or deep into a long-term partnership, this conversation will help you reframe the way you think about compatibility, ambition, and financial alignment.
Tune into this episode to hear:
Why “I make enough for both of us” isn’t a long-term strategy
The subtle resentment that builds when one person carries the financial load
Key questions to ask yourself (and your partner) to avoid future friction
Why financial intentionality, not income equality, is the goal
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THE STUFF OUR LAWYERS WANT US TO SAY: Stash Wealth is a Registered Investment Advisor. Content presented is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to make an offer or solicitation for any specific securities product, service, or strategy. Consult with a qualified investment adviser (that's us) before implementing any strategy. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Past performance does not guarantee future results. There…we said it.
Transcription
When you're carrying a disproportionate amount of the financial momentum in the relationship, it stops feeling cute and starts feeling heavy real fast. Who the fuck am I to tell you what to do with your money? My name is Priya Milani, currently managing millions of hardworking dollars. Enough foreplay.
Let's talk money. Welcome to the F Word. Smart Money.
Hey guys! Welcome back to the F Word where we talk about the money stuff that's shaping your real life, not just your bank account. Today we're talking about something pretty spicy. We're talking about something that people don't talk about when they fall in love, and it's the fact that your partner's income has more impact on your future than you think.
I know even saying it feels a little gross because we've all been conditioned to believe that if you factor money into your relationship, you're a gold digger or greedy or transactional. Nobody wants to admit that income matters, especially if you've already been successful or plan to be on your own.
But here's the truth: even though you don't think about money all day long, money touches everything you care about—especially when it comes to your future. Where you live. When you have kids (if you can afford kids—that's for another episode). What kind of career risks you can afford to take. The kind of parent or partner or friend that you get to be.
And if the person you are with can't meet you there or doesn't want the same life, it's gonna catch up with you eventually, emotionally and financially. Think about it. What happens when you go to use your PTO to go away and vacation and relax, but your partner can't afford to go on the same type of vacation you are used to and likely value? Then what?
So let's talk about it. Not because you're shallow, but because you're ambitious, and this conversation might just save your relationship—or at the least your future self from a lot of stress. I was actually told twice this week this was something people hadn't thought about at all or considered before getting into a very serious relationship.
So I'm gonna start by talking about why no one talks about this, but we should. Most high-achieving 30-somethings are dating during one of the most financially defining decades of their lives. You're building a career. You're paying off debt. Maybe you're starting to invest or thinking about buying a home. You've probably got some wins under your belt and you've worked for them.
And while you definitely don't need your partner to rescue you financially, it's totally fair to want someone who can meet you at your level. But we don't say that out loud, right? No one wants to be seen as the person who cares too much about money.
That's really what it is. So we tell ourselves it's fine. I make enough for both of us. Or they're just figuring it out still. Or money isn't what's important. But isn't it? Or, we're not there yet. We'll talk about it later.
The problem is that later comes around real fast. And when you're carrying a disproportionate amount of the financial momentum in the relationship, it stops feeling cute and starts feeling heavy real fast.
You start noticing things like you can't plan for a big trip unless you cover more of the cost. You want to start saving for a home and they're still paying off old credit card debt—or more likely still racking it up. Maybe your job is draining you and you just wish you could step back, but you can't because you are the one holding the financial fort.
That's when the income conversation suddenly becomes very real. And honestly, you deserve to talk about it before that point.
So let's get into the emotional side of income gaps.
I had a friend recently who was talking to me about someone she's dating—someone with a military background, grew up in a single-parent household. He's not super proud of his apartment, and he kind of does lean on her to expose him to new experiences. She's obviously happy to do it. He's kind, generous in his own way, and they seem to have a very loving relationship.
But she confided in me recently that she doesn't feel taken care of. And she kind of feels guilty for even saying that. Why? Because we've been taught that caring about financial capability in another human makes you shallow.
But what I want to get across is it's not about expecting your partner to be a bank account. It's about wanting to feel safe and supported in the life you're trying to build with this other person. If your partner can't support the lifestyle you envision for yourself, or—I'm gonna say it—replicate the lifestyle, at the very least, that you had growing up, then more often than not, it's going to create a subtle emotional friction over time.
You will be the one who ends up doing the mental math all the time. Can we afford this? Do I have to cover more this month? Will I always be the one planning ahead? And over time, that math turns into a pretty heavy mental load—or resentment or anxiety, as someone else told me recently.
So let's talk about kids, careers, and other crossroads that you're gonna face in life. Let's be really honest: affording children is both emotional and financial. The ability to leave your job and take a sabbatical is both emotional and financial. The ability to say yes to a trip or invest in yourself or your business—yep, emotional and financial.
Your partner doesn't have to earn the exact same amount as you, but if they're not bringing intentionality to their financial life, if they're not thinking about the future or aligning with your ambitions, it's gonna affect what you guys can do together. And that can become a hard truth to swallow, especially if you love everything else about them.
So let me give you some questions to ask yourself and each other in an effort to hopefully start a dialogue. If you're in a relationship or starting one, what do you do with all of this? You get curious.
Here are a few questions worth asking yourself—and of course your partner:
Do we talk about money openly, or do we avoid it?
Do they want more for their future, or are they content with where they are? (I would want to know that.)
Do they make decisions based on values or sort of unspoken gut checks?
Can you guys afford the life you're building together, or is one of you carrying the vision?
Because this isn't just about judging someone's income. It's about evaluating compatibility—yes, I said it—based on what each of you want and value.
It's totally okay to want a partner that matches your ambition. It's okay to want to feel supported. It's okay to not want to carry it all. And the sooner you acknowledge those feelings, the more honest you can be about whether your relationship is a partnership or a financial imbalance with love on top.
It's literally the case for arranged marriages in my culture.
If this episode hit a nerve, that's okay. These conversations are hard, but they're totally necessary. And again, your partner doesn't need to be a financial expert. But if you're the only one thinking about money, your dreams, and how to fund them, it's worth taking a closer look at whether or not that's sustainable for you.
Money doesn't need to be the reason you leave someone, but it should absolutely be part of the conversation if you're planning to build a life together.
And if you're ready to start being intentional with your finances—whether you're solo or partnered—I highly encourage you to book a Fit Check call to see if the Stash Plan is right for you.
Please like, follow, and share. And as always, thanks for listening to the F Word. Alright, see you next time.
Thanks for listening to the F Word with Priya Milani. If you like what you heard, hit subscribe wherever you're listening and leave us a review while you're at it. Approval junkies, don't forget, you can find a ton of great resources, content, courses, and other freebies at StashWealth.com.
Now for the capital F stuff our lawyers want us to say: Stash Wealth is a registered investment advisor. Content presented is for informational and educational purposes only, and is not intended to make an offer or solicitation for any specific security, product, service, or strategy. Consult with a qualified investment advisor (if that’s us!) before implementing any strategy. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Past performance does not guarantee future results. There—we said it.
