Ep 73 | When Can You Actually Call Yourself Rich?
In this episode, Priya asks the question most high earners don’t realize they are avoiding: are you actually wealthy, or have you built a very convincing appearance of it? Drawing on the timeless learnings in The Millionaire Next Door, she breaks down two types of high earners - prodigious accumulators of wealth and under-wealth accumulators - then runs the real math on what a completely normal lifestyle on $320K in New York City actually leaves behind to build with.
Takeaways:
There is a version of success that looks like wealth, feels like wealth, and costs like wealth, but never actually becomes it.
On a $320K salary in New York City, a normal lifestyle leaves roughly $25K a year to build with.
Under-wealth accumulators don't feel broke - they just happen to be winning the wrong game.
Follow Priya Malani:
LinkedIn | Instagram | Youtube | Stash Wealth
The Stuff Our Lawyers Want Us to Say:
Stash Wealth is a Registered Investment Advisor. Content presented is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to make an offer or solicitation for any specific securities product, service, or strategy. Consult with a qualified investment adviser (that's us) before implementing any strategy. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Past performance does not guarantee future results. There…we said it.
Transcription
Welcome back to The F Word. I want you to think about the last time you said yes to something expensive without really thinking about it. Maybe you booked a vacation because you've been grinding at work for months, or you finally pulled the trigger on a bathroom renovation because a friend gave you the name of a reliable contractor.
These are all things you say yes to because you can, and you've been saying yes for a while with relative ease. At some point along the way, I bet you started to believe you were rich. So I want to ask you something, and I don't want to take away from the fact that you've accomplished a lot and you work really hard, but I think sitting with this question matters more than you think.
So here it is. Are you rich? Not can you afford things, or are you comfortable, or do you have more than your parents did, but I mean, are you wealthy? Have you actually built something that you can lean up against, or have you built something else entirely — a very convincing appearance of wealth — and mistaken it for the real thing?
The Two Scoreboards
Here's what I've noticed from being in the room with thousands of high earners over the years. There's a version of success that feels like wealth, looks like wealth, even costs like wealth, but doesn't become wealth — and it happens most often to the exact people who can afford the confusion. People earning $200,000 a year, $300,000 a year, $400,000 a year. People who could be building generational financial security. People probably just like you.
There are two scoreboards I want to talk about today. Most of us know exactly how we're doing on one of them — typically the lifestyle one. That one, no doubt, you're winning. But most people have never checked, or waited too long to check, the other one.
What Does "Rich" Actually Mean?
Let's start with the root problem. Most of us have never agreed on what rich actually means.
I always hear, "High earner, not rich yet. When am I rich?" Ask 10 people and you'll get 10 different answers. Rich means you can buy what you want. Rich means you never have to worry about money. Rich means a number — a net worth, a retirement balance, a savings target. Rich means your kids will never have to work the way you did.
But if you watch how most people actually behave — especially high earners — there's a much simpler, much more dangerous definition of rich that they operate under, and it's this: Do I live like a rich person? That's the definition most of us are paying attention to, subconsciously at least. If the home and the car and the vacations and the lifestyle say, "Wealthy person lives here," we consider ourselves rich.
So I want to offer two other definitions for your consideration.
First — and you've probably heard this, but it's worth repeating because in the world of social media it's harder than ever to accept — the people with the most money are the ones you'd never expect. There's an old book called The Millionaire Next Door that actually went looking for wealthy people. Not who looked wealthy, but people who were genuinely wealthy. And what these authors found was pretty surprising. The people with real money are not the ones who are performing it. Maybe no shocker. They drove practical cars, lived in modest neighborhoods, were not particularly flashy. Meanwhile, the people with the luxury cars, the beautiful homes, the lifestyle that read wealthy from the outside — were often the ones with the least actually saved. That part kind of sticks, right? Because it flips the whole thing.
The authors describe two types of people. The first were what they call prodigious accumulators of wealth — people who quietly, consistently build money over time. The second were under-accumulators of wealth — people who earned really well, often looked successful, but never actually accumulated wealth at the level their income should have allowed for. And the important distinction here is this: under-accumulators of wealth are not struggling. They don't feel broke. They often feel successful. They're just winning at the wrong game.
And that brings me to the definition of rich I actually care about. To me, wealth has very little to do with what you spend. It's about whether you're deliberately building something — whether there's direction behind your money, some sort of target, goal, a plan you are actively moving towards. You're not just earning, you're going somewhere with it.
There's another book I think about, and it took me a long time to read this one because I just didn't like the title. It's called Think and Grow Rich. I think a better title would have been Set a Goal and Achieve It, because that's what it's actually about. It's about intention — the idea that wealth starts with direction, with deciding what you're actually trying to build and then moving towards it deliberately. Definitely not about earning more, which is what we all think. But you already make great money. Choosing something meaningful to build towards makes all the difference.
When I put those two ideas together, it means that being rich means you've decided to intentionally build something. Looking rich means your spending is at a level where people assume you've already built that thing. And for high earners especially, confusing those two things can get really expensive. I've talked to plenty of people in their 40s who look back and just wish they'd learned the difference sooner.
Now, for those of you thinking, "Okay, but I don't want to drive a Corolla and live in a beige house" — you must be new here. Because if there's one thing I'm known for, it's believing that you should absolutely enjoy your life. I am not anti-lifestyle, I'm the opposite. I'm just anti-default. There's a difference between intentionally spending on things you genuinely value and slowly building a lifestyle that expands way faster than your wealth does — and that distinction matters a lot more once your income reaches a certain level.
Real quick, if you've ever seen your paycheck hit your checking account and thought, "Where the hell does it all go?" — you're not alone. If you're in your 30s making six figures, it's time to get your financial sh*t together. Go to stashwealth.com and book a call.
Why This Trap Hits Hardest at Your Income Level
Here's why this trap hits hardest at your income level specifically. When your income crosses into real money — $200,000 and above — something happens that doesn't happen at lower income levels. The things that used to feel like splurges stop feeling like splurges. The $300 dinner becomes a regular occurrence, not a special occasion. The upgrade makes sense. You justify the renovation — it'll pay for itself. You book the vacation before you've done the math because you don't need to do the math.
And to be clear, I'm not saying this is wrong. You can afford these things. That's all true. Again, I'm not here to tell you to live smaller. Here's what actually happens: your lifestyle expands to meet your income, then a little past it, then a little past that. And at some point, you're spending at the rate of someone who is wealthy without having yet become wealthy. And there's no alarm. Nothing breaks. Bills get paid. It's not like your account goes down to zero. Life keeps going. You have no external signal that says, "Stop and look at what you're doing." So you don't stop. You keep saying yes. And the gap between what life looks like and what's actually behind it just gets wider every single year.
Meet Alex
Okay, let's make this concrete. Let's talk about Alex. Alex is 36, lives in New York, and earns $320,000 a year. By my definition, and probably yours, Alex is successful. He works hard, he's built a strong career, and he's not reckless with his money.
After taxes, Alex's take-home pay is around $195,000 a year. And before we even get into this, I want to say that none of what I'm about to describe is remotely extreme. This is not a guy living wildly outside of his means. This is actually a pretty normal high earner lifestyle in a major city.
Housing: about $6,000 a month. And honestly, in New York, that's not lavish, that's normal. But that's $72,000 a year. Car and garage: about $1,800 a month. Alex is a good tipper. Vacations: let's call it two big trips, maybe a couple long weekends — $28,000 a year. Then there's restaurants, social life, the things that come with working hard and having disposable income — another $2,500 a month. And then there's the spending that none of us pay close attention to: the wardrobe refresh, the apartment upgrades, subscriptions, all the conveniences. Let's call that another $1,500 per month.
When you add it all up, Alex is spending close to $170,000 a year on a $195,000 take-home, which leaves roughly $25,000 for saving and investing. And at first glance, that sounds pretty good. He's saving, he's investing, he's doing what most people would call responsible.
But here's where it gets interesting. The authors of The Millionaire Next Door created a rough formula for expected wealth accumulation: your age multiplied by your annual income divided by 10. For Alex — 36 years old, earning $320,000 per year — that suggests an expected net worth of about $1.1 million.
Now, this is not a perfect formula. It doesn't account for income ramp, student loans, expensive cities, or the fact that many high earners just don't hit their stride until later. But directionally, it tells us something important. Someone earning at this level would ideally be building wealth at a faster pace than they actually are. Most Alexes I know, without a deliberate plan, are probably somewhere between $300,000 and $500,000 in net worth — probably mostly in their 401(k). Which is not bad. It's actually a really strong start. But it's not keeping pace with what their income could have built. That's the difference.
Opportunity Cost — and the Risk Most People Ignore
Let's talk about opportunity cost for a second. Every dollar you spend at age 36 doesn't get to compound. And at even a modest rate of return, every dollar today is worth significantly more 30 years from now. We all know this intellectually. But the gap between what you're spending now and what that money could eventually become is bigger than most people realize. It's just math.
But there's another layer to this. The lifestyle you're living right now requires a certain income level to support it — and maybe you have that income today, but income is not permanent. Your job could change. Your industry could shift. We're seeing that happen with AI right now. Companies restructure. Health happens. Markets have a bad decade. The salary that makes your current life work is not guaranteed to show up forever.
Now, the good news is you're likely in a stage of life where your income is strong and likely getting stronger, which just means you have a real opportunity here. As your income increases, instead of automatically letting your lifestyle rise alongside it, it's worth asking: What could that extra money actually build for me?
Because up until now, you may have been winning one game — the game where the lifestyle looks right, the signals you're putting out there read successful, and when someone asks, "How's life?" the answer is honestly, "Pretty good." That game you might absolutely be winning. But it's not necessarily the game that ends in financial freedom. That game is played on a different scoreboard. That scoreboard is measuring what you've built, not just what you've bought. And if you're using the wrong scoreboard, you'll never change the way you play the game.
Best Bite
Okay, I don't know about you, but I am ready for a palate cleanser. Before I let you go, I always like to end the show with a segment called Best Bite. I'm a big foodie, and I love to share something that I've eaten recently that I would highly recommend. If you're following me on Instagram, you probably saw that I checked out the new Greek soft serve yogurt spot in the West Village this weekend.
It's called Mika. This is the second US location behind Miami. It originally started in Madrid. The lines are long, but as I got some comments on Instagram, I can report back it is 100% worth it. I stood in line for almost an hour, but it was amazing. Definitely my best bite recently. I had the original yuzu soft serve swirl and I added three toppings: wildflower honey, berry crumble — which is a can't-miss — and a pistachio spread that has, like, some crunchy pieces. It feels like baklava, but they do have a separate baklava topping, so this was not that. It was more like a crunchy pistachio, almost like a nut butter. It was amazing. If you find yourself on 7th Avenue in the Village, definitely check it out.
One Question to Leave You With
All right, going back to that lifestyle you love. You work really hard, and I'm not here to tell you stop enjoying your lifestyle. But I do want you to ask yourself one question: when you say yes to the things that make up your life, which scoreboard are you looking at when you're thinking about financial freedom?
Again, looking successful and building wealth are usually not the same thing. And the earlier you understand the difference, the more options you give yourself later.
If this episode made you think differently about money, your lifestyle, or what wealth actually means, I really hope you'd share it with someone who might appreciate this conversation. That's how more people find the show. Thank you for your support. And remember, you're a high earner, and that means high potential for building wealth and securing the financial freedom that you're after.
If you haven't already, please like, follow, subscribe wherever you're listening so that you don't miss future episodes. All right. That's it for today. See you next time.
Stash Wealth is a registered investment advisor. Content presented is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to make an offer or solicitation for any specific security, product, service, or strategy. Consult with a qualified investment advisor before implementing any strategy. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Past performance does not guarantee future results.
THE STUFF OUR LAWYERS WANT US TO SAY: Stash Wealth is a Registered Investment Advisor. Content presented is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to make an offer or solicitation for any specific securities product, service, or strategy. Consult with a qualified investment adviser (that's us) before implementing any strategy. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Past performance does not guarantee future results. There…we said it.
