Ep 55 | The Secret To Wealthy People Spending Habits

High earners are increasingly living like the wealthy, frictionless spending, invisible money, convenience-first choices. But without the backend systems that make those behaviors safe, invisibility doesn’t create freedom. It creates drift. In this episode, Priya breaks down why copying wealthy habits without wealthy systems keeps high earners stuck, and how putting structure before lifestyle is what actually makes money disappear without anxiety.

Takeaways:

• Invisible money is not a sign of wealth. It’s the output of structure. Without systems, invisibility becomes drift.

• High earners get into trouble because income hides inefficiency. 

• Wealthy people don’t spend freely because they’re careless. They spend freely because the wealth building already happened first.

• The real goal is not tracking every dollar. It’s deciding where money is allowed to disappear and locking that in automatically.

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Transcription

Unpacking the Illusion of Effortless, Frictionless Spending

At a certain level of wealth, the more money you have, the more invisible it becomes. And here's how most of us get wrong. We assume that invisibility is the goal, obviously, because rich people don't think about it, definitely don't talk about it. So most of us accept that not thinking about money is the prize you get for making enough of it. But what if that's backwards? Who the?

Fuck am I to tell you what to do with your money? My name is Priya Malani, currently managing millions of hard working dollars. Enough for play. Let's. Talk welcome. To the F word smart money.

Today I want to talk about something that I've been thinking about since I got back from Portugal a few weeks ago over the holidays. I was staying at a fancy five star hotel about 30 minutes South of Lisbon, and over the course of several days I noticed something strange happened. Actually, something didn't happen. I never pulled out my credit card. Not once. Dining at the hotel restaurant? Charged it to the room. Drinks at the bar? Charged it to the room. Spa Charged it to the room. Bottle of water from the mini bar?

I assume it went on the room. And it's not just about pulling out my credit card. There was no transaction moment at all. Know how would you like to pay? Would you like to put it on the room? Little leather folder with my receipt in it. None of it. Everyone knew my room number, so when I was finished I just got up and left. That was very slick. Whatever system they used, it was good because they didn't just know my room number, they knew my tea preference in the morning, what I like to drink in the evening. Gin and tonic for those who are wondering.

And I actually had an amazing gin called Black Pig. I believe it's local to Portugal and you can only get it there anyway. It was fantastic. They knew what time I was going to have lunch. I tell you, it was nice. And then even when I was checking out, I stopped by the front desk. They handed me a piece of paper and they had everything. Itemized meals, spa, minibar. I just reviewed it, signed my name and walked out. Never pulled out my credit card. The entire experience frictionless and more to my point, transactionless.

And that's what I'm thinking about. At a certain level of wealth, the more money you have, the more invisible it becomes. And here's how most of us get wrong. We assume that invisibility is the goal, obviously, because rich people don't think about it, definitely don't talk about it. So most of us accept that not thinking about money is the prize you get for making enough of it. But what if that's backwards? Invisibility isn't the achievement of the rich, it's just what happens when you have the right systems in place.

And what if trying to make your money invisible before you have those systems in place is actually what keeps you stuck long term and pushes you further away from your larger financial goals? Because here's what I'm seeing. High earners are increasingly living like the wealthy. Obviously social media doesn't help, but we have frictionless spending with tap to pay. We have private drivers on demand. Generally speaking, life is actually designed for money to fade into the background, and the more that it does, the less we think about it and the more successful at least some of us can trick ourselves into feeling.

So what I want to talk about is why that invisibility is dangerous without systems and what you actually need to put in place so that not thinking about money becomes freedom instead of drift. Because in my time working with the rich and the not rich yet, the largest distinction I see is that the rich have put systems and structures in place to support money being invisible. So here's the question. Without those systems, is invisible money safe or stupid?

The Pitfalls of Mimicking Wealthy Spending Without Systems

Let's get into it. Let's talk about the illusion of effortless wealth. Here's what I realized standing in that hotel lobby. I felt wealthy in that moment not because of the thread count view, which was epic, or even the quality of the breakfast spread, which was also amazing. I felt wealthy because I didn't have to think about. And that feeling, that's the feeling we're all chasing, isn't it? When we imagine financial success, we don't picture ourselves reviewing spreadsheets or checking account balances. We definitely don't picture ourselves budgeting. We picture ourselves living freely, moving through the world without friction, never having that moment of can I really afford this?

We associate not thinking about money with having. And culturally, we've been taught that talking about money is tacky, that pulling out a wallet is so gauche that the truly wealthy never even see a bill that just gets handled. So as high earners, and if you're listening to this podcast, you probably are, we start to adopt that invisibility ourselves. We want that frictionless feeling. We've earned it, right? We start charging things without checking the price tag. We say yes to convenience.

We upgrade our lives in 1000 small little ways because we can and because it feels like what successful people do. But here's the problem. We're copying the behavior of the wealthy without the systems make that behavior safe and sustainable. So let's talk about the danger of copy pasting wealthy people's events. Here's what I see. You're making $250,000, four 100,500 thousand $600,000 a year. You've worked hard, you're talented, you've levelled up in your career and your income reflects that.

Somewhere along the way you start living differently. You stop checking prices at restaurants, you book a nicer hotel. You hire someone to clean your house, then someone a meal prep, then someone to walk your dog. You subscribe to services that you forget you even have. You say yes to the weekend trip, the spontaneous dinner, the lift instead of the subway. The list goes on. None of these things are bad. In fact, most of them are smart, right? Convenience buys you time and outsourcing buys you energy. You're just optimizing your life.

But here's what's happening under the surface. Your money is subtly becoming invisible to you. Your subscriptions, auto renew expenses blur together. You're not entirely sure what you spend last month, but your income is high enough so it doesn't even really matter at the end of the day. Your account balance always seems fine. This is where a lot of high earners seem to get into trouble because you're living like the wealthy with invisible money, convenience, first choices, but you don't have back end systems that wealthy people.

You don't have pre decided asset allocation. You don't have automated investing that happens before you see your paycheck. You don't have clear rules about what you spend on and what you don't. You have, let's call it wealthy people habits. Without wealthy people systems and those kinds of spending habits without the systems to back them up, don't build wealth. They just burn through your income even faster.

How the Truly Wealthy Earn Their Invisible Money

So let's talk about what's happening behind the scenes with people who can't afford to make their money invisible. I'm not talking about the ultra wealthy here. I'm not talking about billionaire oligarchs or people with generational wealth. I'm talking about people who maybe you might know, people earning seven figures or have net worths in the 8 to 10 million range. Comfortable, stable, and building wealth steadily. These people don't think about money, but not because they ignore it. Their money is invisible because they've built the systems that allow it to be invisible without consequences.

So what does that even look like? Automatic investment plans that pull money before they even see it. Spending guardrails that are baked into the way they live, not enforced through willpower. Financial advisors and wealth managers who optimize in the background, a clear asset allocation decided years ago that just compounds on its own. Their passive income streams from their businesses, real estate investments, dividends that grow while they sleep. Systems for tax planning, estate planning, insurance, risk, all these things that are reviewed once a year and then on autopilot for the rest of the time.

None of it requires daily attention. They do set a review, reset and move on. Their money is working. They're not watching every transaction because they don't need to. They've already decided what percentage of wealth is going to grow, what's being saved, what can be spent, and then the system enforces that decision for them. That's what makes their spending invisible and sustainable. It's not magic. It's math plus structure. They've decided what their money is supposed to do before they spend it.

High earners copy the spending but skip the systems, and that's where the drift starts. I see it with so many people who come through our doors, successful people, smart people, people earning $400,000, $500,000, $600,000 a year who just feel vaguely stressed about money and they can't quite put their finger on why. They're saving something. They've got retirement accounts. They're not broke, but they also can't tell you exactly how much they spent last month, or how much they're actually on track to retire with, or what would happen if they lost their job tomorrow.

The money is invisible, but it's invisible in the wrong way. Instead of their wealth building on autopilot, their spending is happening on autopilot and there's no structure underneath it. They're drifting, not building. They're living like money doesn't matter without having built the systems that make money not matter. And the dangerous part is it feels fine. Your account has money in it. You're not struggling. You're not living paycheck to paycheck. But you also couldn't confidently say, I know I'm building wealth at the rate I should be.

And once you lose visibility, you lose control. And here's the cruel irony. Even though you're making more money than ever, you might actually feel less in control and be less in control. I see it all the time. You feel like you should be further ahead. You feel like you should have more money saved, or at least be able to. You look at your income and you think, where the hell is it all going? Why don't I have more to show for it? That's not a money problem, it's a systems problem. You've adopted the habits of the wealthy without the systems that make those habits work.

Automate Your Wealth to Achieve Guilt-Free, Intentional Spending

My take? Keep your habits, just change the system. So here's what I think chi earners should be thinking about. The goal is not to make money invisible. The goal is to decide where it's allowed to disappear. You don't need to track every dollar. You know I hate budgeting. But you also don't need to feel guilty about spending, Don't need to go back to pulling out your credit card going down it line by line. But you do need to know that the important things are handled before the invisible spending starts.

You need systems. Not because systems are virtuous or disciplined or responsible, though they are those things. You need systems because systems are what keep that feeling of freedom sustainable forever. When you have systems, you can charge everything to the room. You can say yes to the spontaneous trip. You can live with money in the background because you know, not hope, not assume, but you know that your wealth is being built while you're not looking.

So what is this all look like when it's happening in practice? If you're a high earner and you want to stop drifting again, you do not need a budget. Quick sidebar because I feel very strongly about this. Budgets are for people with limited resources who need to allocate scarcity. It's a tool when you're managing not enough. It's designed to answer the question, I have X dollars, how do I stretch it across all my needs? When you're a high earner, that's not your problem. You're not trying to make ends meet. You have enough income to cover your expenses comfortably.

You need something different. You need a system that decides what happens to your money before you have a chance to spend it. Some people call this paying yourself first. I think of it more like systems before lifestyle. Here's what it might look like every time you get paid a percentage of your paycheck goes automatically to investments, not what's leftover not I'll move some money at the end of the month automatic and 1st pay yourself first. Another percentage goes to savings account and that maybe you don't touch maybe it's for a house, maybe it's for a financial independence. Maybe it's just for, I want to know that I can walk away from anything at any time. It doesn't matter. What matters is that it happens without you thinking about it, having to lift a finger or having a chance to interfere.

And I feel again, this is really, really important. Once you have a system, you need to automate it so that you can't fuck with it. And then and only then, the rest is yours to spend, as I love to say, guilt free. That's your invisible money. That's where you get to be frictionless and spontaneous and generous and free. But it's intentional invisibility, just like the wealthy. It's structure for the sake of true and sustainable freedom. I promise that makes all the difference.

Another thing I've learned from working with people across the wealth spectrum, the difference between someone who feels wealthy and someone who is building wealth often comes down to this. Wealthy people, without fail, understand what kind of lifestyle they can actually afford. They know exactly how much they need to be moving towards their goals every month or every year. And once that number is hit, they stop thinking about it. Everything else just noise.

They don't agonize over whether they should buy the nicer bottle of wine or upgrade to the first class ticket. They've already done the work. Compounding is happening. The wealth is building, so the spending doesn't matter. If you're a high earner without an understanding of whether or not you're living a lifestyle that you can actually afford given your larger financial goals, I guarantee every spending decision is going to feel loaded. Should I Shouldn't I? Is this too much? Am I being irresponsible? That's exhausting. But when you know your number, when you know that you're already moving $3000 a month towards investments or $25,000 a year towards retirement, whatever the number is, the rest becomes easy. And you're not guessing, you're not hoping, and you're definitely not drifting. You're actually free.

Indulging in Monkey Bar's Unforgettable Chocolate Cream Pie

Speaking of feeling free, I never feel more for you than when I'm enjoying a great meal Cheesy transition. So I want to give you guys my best bite before we wrap. As you know, I'm a big foodie and I always love to share something that I've eaten that's stuck me in my tracks this week. My best bite actually comes from a dinner I had with my college roommates at the famous Monkey Bar in Manhattan over the holidays. If you know, Monkey Bar has some of the best steaks in the city, including a Wagyu Porterhouse, which we did order and was epic.

My best bite is actually kind of surprising because it's not the state, it's actually a dessert they have called the chocolate cream Pie. It was creamy but not light, more dense like kind of like the inside of a Lindor truffle if you've ever had that. I have not stopped dreaming about it for weeks. It is so, so, so good. So if you happen to be able to snag a reservation, go and order the Chocolate Cream Pie.

Choose Systems First for Lasting Financial Freedom and Peace

OK, time to wrap. I want to leave you with a reminder that invisible money isn't the problem, and if you're a higher earner, you're at this interesting crossroads. You have enough income to live like money doesn't matter, but you don't yet have enough well to make that kind of invisibility safe or sustainable. So you have a choice. You can keep copying the habits of the wealthy and hope it works out, or you can build the systems 1st and let money fade into the background without worrying about drifting too far.

Here's the thing I realized sitting at breakfast at my fancy hotel, looking at all the other guests, the wealthy people who truly don't think about money. They're not careless, they're not reckless, they're not living in denial. They've just done the work to make sure that their money is doing what it needs to do. And on that front, I have good news for you. You don't have to be wealthy to start using their systems. You don't need a trust fund or a wealth manager or a team of accountants to make this work. You just need to decide where your money goes before you start spending it. That's the system, that's the structure. Once that's in place, you're on your way to building well and living a great life at the same time.

One quick request before I let you go. If this episode made you think of someone, we'd love you to share it with them. Or if you have an experience about invisible money that may resonate with others, I'd love for you to drop a comment and share it with us. We read them all. Otherwise, I truly hope this helped you pause, rethink your habits, or maybe even recognize a little drift you didn't realize was happening. Awareness is where change begins. All right. Thanks for listening and I'll see you next time.

Final Thoughts, Resources, and Important Legal Disclaimers

Thanks for listening to the F word with Priya Milani. If you like what you heard, hit subscribe wherever you're listening and leave us a review while you're at it or approval junkies. Don't forget you can find a ton of great resources, content, courses and other freebies at stashwealth.com. Now for the capital F.

THE STUFF OUR LAWYERS WANT US TO SAY: Stash Wealth is a Registered Investment Advisor. Content presented is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to make an offer or solicitation for any specific securities product, service, or strategy. Consult with a qualified investment adviser (that's us) before implementing any strategy. Investing involves risk, including the loss of principal. Past performance does not guarantee future results. There…we said it.