Ep 44 | Is Everyone But Me Taking $10,000 Vacations?
Priya sits down with writer and editor Lindsey Stanberry to talk about money that looks perfect on Instagram and money that actually works in real life. They trace Lindsey’s path from Refinery29’s Money Diaries to launching The Purse on Substack, dig into trade offs, and get honest about dual-working households, childcare as unseen generational wealth, and why “fancy” often costs more than it’s worth. Expect practical perspective on values-based spending, media myth-busting, and building a life you actually like paying for.
Takeaways:
How Money Diaries changed the conversation around women and money.
Why invisible work matters, and how childcare help functions as generational wealth.
The mindset shift behind leaving a secure job to build something of your own, plus the trade offs that make it possible.
Guest Bio:
Lindsey Stanberry is the founder of The Purse, a newsletter-first women’s media company. She spent the last decade working for some of the biggest brands in digital media. As an executive editor at Fortune, Lindsey oversaw the launch of a number of initiatives to help the storied brand reach younger and more diverse audiences. Before joining Fortune, she was the deputy managing editor at CNBC Make It and CNBC Select. At Refinery29, she launched the Work & Money vertical and ran Money Diaries, a franchise that garnered an international cult following. Lindsey is the author of Money Diaries: Everything You Want to Know About Your Finances…And Everyone Else’s. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and son.
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Transcription
You know, I sat down to write that story because I had this idea in my head that when I go to Instagram, everybody's on these amazing vacations. And then I started going mentally through my head of my actual friends, like the people that I see regularly, and none of them are taking $10,000 vacations. Most of them are lucky enough to have second homes, which we all laugh about because they're not like fancy second homes. They're small second homes in less-than-desirable locations outside the city. None of them are taking $10,000 vacations—they’re taking their kids to their country homes.
Who in my mind are taking these $10,000 vacations? A lot of it is influencers, who it’s all comped.
Who the fuck am I to tell you what to do with your money? My name is Priya Malani, currently managing millions of hardworking dollars. Enough work play. Let’s talk money. Welcome to The F Word: Smart Money. No filter.
Hey guys, welcome to The F Word. I'm so freaking honored to introduce you to our guest today. She is the exceptionally talented writer, author, mother, and my very good friend, Lindsay Stanberry. Lindsay, thank you so much for being with us.
Thanks so much, Priya. It's so fun to be here with you.
We’ve known each other a long time now—going back to your Refinery29 days over a decade ago. That wasn’t even the start of your career. You had something incredible before that, and then when you hit Refinery, you were one of their founding editors.
I was like mid-staff. I think they were—I don’t know—probably number 120 or something like that. But I was an early editor too.
Modest.
You then blew up with Money Diaries. Actually, I don’t want to rush through these moments because you’ve had such an incredible career. So can you take us back to that time in your life—Refinery days, Money Diaries days? Tell us a little bit about that time and give us the highlight reel.
So I joined Refinery29 in 2013. I actually joined as a copy editor. I took the job sort of by accident—I was in between things and needed a new role. But while I was there, they were always looking for pitches. The beauty of the internet is they always need more stories. So I wrote about how my husband and I saved a lot of money to buy our first apartment in Brooklyn, and the story went sort of viral for the time.
People really liked the details about how my husband and I never went to brunch and how he took a peanut butter sandwich to work every day for lunch. That story really got me interested in writing about women and money. I was in my early thirties. It was the first time in my life I had really thought about my finances in a real way, partly because I started actually making some money.
You hit your mid-thirties and you’re like, oh, I should pay attention to my 401(k) and think about whether or not I’m going to have kids. But I didn’t feel shy about asking embarrassing questions. When I looked around the landscape, I really didn’t like who was offering financial advice. It felt stuffy—dominated by old white guys. There are plenty of old white guys I like—my dad, my uncles—but I was like, where are the young women talking about money?
And actually that’s how you and I connected, Priya. Stash Wealth was getting off the ground, and we instantly connected over how we wanted to change the conversation around the bad press and reputation millennials had for being “avocado toast-buying, latte-buying, terrible with money.” We wanted to make the language around personal finance much more accessible and friendly.
While I was there, we launched Money Diaries, which was a team effort. I worked with a wonderful colleague, Jessica Chow, who brought the original idea to me. It just blew up. At that time, people weren’t talking about money the way they do now on Instagram and TikTok. I don’t think TikTok even existed in 2015 when we launched Money Diaries.
It was exciting to peel back the curtain and give people an opportunity to see how their peers were making money work.
It was a reality check versus social media, which makes it feel like everyone’s doing everything. It brought a real perspective.
And it was centered around women too, which was very different—women owning their personal finance stories, explaining why they bought what they bought, spent what they spent, and earned what they earned. That was really exciting.
Yeah, you stole my heart pretty instantly because you were such a contrarian voice. You were willing to shift the narrative rather than go along with what we’d always been handed down, and you were expressing money and financial education in a different way.
Yeah, I was just so desperate to make it feel accessible and not make people feel bad. A lot of personal finance experts are really judgy, and there’s a lot of shaming. I wasn’t interested in that. I want people to feel good about what they choose to spend money on, and comfortable talking about their mistakes—because goodness knows, I’ve made my fair share and continue to.
Money Diaries started as a series of columns that turned into a book, and that blew up—it took the nation by storm.
You got to do a book tour.
Yeah, you were in Chicago! We had so much fun. It was so exciting to be in those rooms. And then your recent guest, Katie Gatti Tassin—she actually came to the Dallas stop of the book tour. It was me and Manisha Thakor, another fantastic financial expert. The women in financial media space is very small and supportive. Katie came to that event and became Money with Katie because of it.
She was inspired by that event, which is really amazing.
That’s the dream—that this little movement we started back at Refinery continues to grow and, hopefully, one day take over the world.
Hell yeah. So what came after Refinery?
I left Refinery in 2019 and went to CNBC. I worked on CNBC Select, which focuses on using different financial products, and CNBC Make It, their millennial platform. They have a great series, Millennial Money. It was so much fun working with young, mostly female reporters who were smart about economics and took complex topics and made them accessible.
I learned all about the Fed, interest rates, mergers and acquisitions—all fascinating. From there, I went to Fortune as executive editor. I worked on Most Powerful Women, launched a new section called Fortune Success, and focused on reaching younger and more diverse audiences.
Then in 2023, I left Fortune and started my own publication called The Purse.
That brings us to today—your amazing new endeavor. Tell us about The Purse and how it was born.
The Purse grew out of my work at Refinery. I never stopped loving talking about women and money. I fit it into my work at CNBC and Fortune, but I wanted to get back to my roots. And honestly, it’s never been cheaper or easier to start a media business. So I launched a newsletter a couple of years ago on Substack. We’re close to 17,000 subscribers.
Like my earlier work, we have recurring series. One is Home Economics, which takes a bird’s-eye view of a person’s finances and asks questions like: What are your money stressors? Do you expect an inheritance? How has your family’s finances impacted your own? What’s something you spend money on that drives you crazy?
Another series is Division of Labor, which looks inside families at how spouses divide their days—who’s cooking dinner, taking the kids to activities, doing dishes. It gives readers a peek behind the curtain of how families make it work—or don’t.
Yeah, it’s fascinating to read—especially the comments section. Could you share one of the more controversial Division of Labor stories?
It’s funny—Money Diaries’ comments were infamous. They were even written up in The New Yorker for being so terrible. So when I launched The Purse, I wanted a kinder, more supportive community.
A few weeks ago, I featured my first anonymous Division of Labor. It was a woman in her late fifties in a second marriage. She loved her husband, but he did nothing—no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry. It was a source of unhappiness for her. She admired how younger generations are pushing for more equality.
The comments were great because so many could relate. It’s hard for women—we want to share success but often feel bad about it, while others take it personally. This woman wasn’t tearing others down; she was acknowledging the differences and finding peace through honesty.
You are part of a dual working household. How do you and Ken divide labor?
I started Division of Labor to prove to Ken how much I do, but when we did it, I realized—oh, he does a lot too! It’s a great exercise for anyone to try. There’s visible work—laundry, groceries, cleaning—and invisible work, like managing the kid’s seasonal clothes or medical paperwork.
I feel lucky because Ken does a lot. Like most wives, I wish he’d do more, but he’s a good partner.
The truth comes out!
Yes, but we both work from home, and that flexibility helps. Plus, my mom is nearby and helps with childcare—a huge blessing.
That’s such a great point—family help is a form of generational wealth that people don’t talk about enough.
I love how easy it is to talk to you about money. You’re transparent and open about trade-offs, grown-up choices, and accepting that we can’t have it all—and that’s okay.
I was reflecting on one of your pieces, “Is Everyone But Me Taking $10,000 Vacations?” It’s so relatable. You talk about trade-offs and how you made the decision for that trip.
Yeah. I sat down to write that story because every time I went on Instagram, it felt like everyone was on amazing vacations. Then I thought about my real friends—none of them were taking $10,000 vacations. Most had modest second homes, not fancy ones. So who are these people? Influencers. It’s all comped. Or it’s younger people without kids.
The trip I talked about was a moms’ weekend in the Dominican Republic for a friend’s 40th. The resort wasn’t great, but the trip was incredible. We laughed, made inside jokes, and still talk about it.
But there were trade-offs. We didn’t take a family vacation that summer. We put that travel budget toward a trip for our 15th wedding anniversary instead.
The point of the piece is this: your friends probably aren’t on $10,000 vacations. It’s mostly influencers. Mute them or remember that they live different lives. Focus on your values and spend according to them. Take the vacation—it doesn’t have to be fancy. We went to Chicago this summer, spent very little, and had the best time.
Going back to your values, that’s such a big part of what we teach—intentional spending and designing your life.
Exactly. For me and Ken, those conversations about how we wanted to spend and save have given us so much. We sacrificed travel for home ownership. We bought an apartment, sold it, bought another. I love my home—it’s everything to me. It also gave me the stability to take the leap to start The Purse.
That’s such a good point. You had a series of kick-ass jobs. To leave that stability for something new is bold. How have your money priorities shifted?
Dramatically. I love to shop—nice clothes were my thing. At my corporate jobs, I did a lot of retail therapy to cope with stress. Now, I can’t afford to, but I don’t need to. I’m happier. No Sunday scaries. I believe in what I’m building and love the people I work with.
People ask if they should quit their jobs like I did, and I tell them: God, no. Do not. It’s hard. I knew it would be. I even ask Ken sometimes, “Is it time for me to go back to a job with benefits?” And he’ll say, “Not yet.”
Not with how fast The Purse is growing. You’ve built that audience so quickly because it’s authentic, real, and heartfelt. It’s impressive.
Thank you, Priya. That means a lot.
Okay, so we always end with the Best Bite segment because I’m such a foodie. In fact, you introduced me to one of my favorite restaurants—Kiki’s in the Lower East Side. I’ve gone back a hundred times.
So good!
So, what’s the most delicious thing you’ve eaten recently?
In our neighborhood? I’m going further afield. I went to London with my mom for Mother’s Day this year. We were supposed to go during the pandemic to celebrate a big birthday. We went to Dishoom, the very hot Indian restaurant chain, and it lived up to all the hype. It was so delicious.
That’s such a good one. I went in September! What did you eat there?
I can’t remember exactly—did we get the okra fry? Yes, the okra! I love those. We had butter chicken—it’s their signature. We had dal—it was amazing.
Their dal is so good.
We might have had a fish dish too. I love that they do smaller, shareable plates.
Same! I love family-style eating—it’s more fun.
So for your Best Bite, we’re going with Dishoom’s okra fries.
Yes.
Perfect.
Lindsay, thank you so much. Where can people find you?
You can find me at The Purse on Substack—just Google it—or on Instagram at @readthepurse.
Thank you so much for being here. To everyone listening—if this inspired you or made you think of a friend who needs The Purse, please share this episode. Remember, it’s all about maximizing your money in your thirties so you don’t have to play catch up in your forties.
Alright, we’ll see you next time.
Thanks for listening to The F Word with Priya Malani. If you like what you heard, hit subscribe wherever you’re listening and leave us a review. Don’t forget, you can find great resources, courses, and freebies at stashwealth.com.
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